Insecurities. They are one thing that I honestly hate about life but at the same time I think that in a way they keep you humble. If you really think about it, your insecurities keep you from doing a lot of things that could have been really great. One of my biggest insecurities is being embarrassed. There were a lot of things in high school, and even now, that I didn’t do because I was afraid I’d mess up and get made fun of. I liked playing volleyball in junior high but when it came to senior high and we had to actually try out for the team, I didn’t because I was afraid I wouldn’t make it and I would get looked down on. I didn’t dress up on dress up days, not because I thought it was dumb, but because I was scared that I would look stupid and get embarrassed. I didn’t do solos in jazz band because I was afraid I’d mess up. I pretended some things I did, I did on purpose because otherwise I’d look even more stupid.
I eventually turned my feelings off because I was sick of being embarrassed and hurt. I just did stupid things and pretended I was totally fine with it and pretended it didn’t matter. I didn’t do any of the things I was scared of doing before, I did stupid things that totally weren’t good for me but I didn’t care. I didn’t have any feelings. As time goes on I’m still trying to get those feelings back. I still have that I don’t care attitude and I think that if I’m gonna get anywhere in life I have to be embarrassed once in a while – it might even be good for me.
Anyway, the shower’s free now so have a great day and don’t worry, God still loves you even if no one else does. :-)