I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve been short with the kids. I’ve been kind of stressed. I’ve been getting overwhelmed too easily. I’ve been hiding in my room as soon as Noah is home from work.
Part of this is due to my anxiety/depression, part of this is due to the new meds I’m on that apparently love to keep me up all night, and part of this is due to how dark and dreary and snowy and wet it’s been here lately.
Tonight the girls and I carved 1.25 pumpkins after Preston went to bed. I say “1.25”, because an hour after Preston was put to bed, he was still not asleep. He was crying on and off, and Noah was doing his best to deal with him, but wasn’t having any luck.
One time we thought he was finally asleep until we heard a little voice from his room say, “Blastoff!”
The thing is, 95% of the time Preston goes to sleep without a peep. Naps, bedtime, the kid is a champ. That other 5% happened tonight. I couldn’t take his crying anymore and sent the girls to bed saying we’d finish the pumpkin in the morning. I could feel my anxiety rising, and I didn’t want it to blow at the girls, who were behaving perfectly.
I did everything I could to try to get Presto to sleep and nothing was working. He was pointing to his door and finally I gave up. I rarely give up, as I believe in consistency and parents being in charge, but I couldn’t figure out WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT KID.
I took the boy out to the living room where I was reading and Noah was on the computer. I sat him down on the couch beside me and pressed play on a Backyardigans episode on my phone. I then picked my book back up and continued reading.
I looked over at my baby boy watching the little alien creatures sing about how pirates say “Argh!” and he looked so lonely, even though he was right beside me. I picked him up and sat him in my lap. I could hold him and read at the same time. His little head was right under my nose and I could still smell the baby shampoo from his bath the night before.
We sat there for quite a while, he watching his show and I drinking in his sweet scent. I was deciding that it was the best part of my day, sitting there snuggling with my precious boy. I was calm and relaxed, and there was nothing I’d rather have been doing.
Then all of a sudden he sat up, hopped to the floor, and went over to Noah. “Ball!” he said, pointing to the basketball game playing on the computer screen. He then climbed up to sit by his daddy and watch the game.
Darn sports ruining my life.