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The Bachelorette: Andi – Episode 1

Let’s start off by saying that I really like this girl. She stood up to Juan Pablo and took none of his “It’s ok”s. It’s pretty huge that she’s giving up her job, but if I were her employer, two leaves of absence in a row probably would not go well.

The season starts with a tribute to Eric Hill, who died in a paragliding accident shortly after leaving The Bachelorette. That really sucks a lot.

Andi is sitting with her parents, chatting about her upcoming season. She asks them if they’d be as hard on her final two as they were with JP. I’m sure they’ll be much happier with Andi’s final two than they were with JP. Andi’s dad: “When you bring your final two, I hope you have no doubt in your mind which one is the right one.” Ha! Slamming JP already. Love it. (I’m sorry, but he was a jerk on the show.)(JP, not Andi’s dad.)

She goes shopping before her season. I wonder if they give her a certain amount to spend on clothing before her season. Walking, walking, so many shots of Andi walking. Previews to the guys’ entrances. They’re all going to have gimmicks, aren’t they? Does anyone just walk up, introduce themselves, and go to the house any more?

Chris Harrison is my hero. He must have to deal with a lot of people full of nerves. Andi’s sister shows up to help her pick a dress for tonight. Because they crew hasn’t picked a dress for her already, right? Andi shows her sister two dresses. I don’t like the one she put on first, but thanks to previews, I can breathe a sigh of relief that she’s not going to wear it.

The guys get into a limo. I don’t think we’ve ever seen suitors enter their limos, nor have we seen them in the limo before their entrances. Changing it up, are we Chris?

Andi exits her limo in the better dress. She looks pretty ripped. Chris gives her a good-luck hug. I think he should be the next bachelor.

The first limo shows up! Let’s do a run-down of the guys:

Marcus, a 25-year-old sports medicine manager from Dallas, Texas. He makes a great entrance because he has no gimmicks. Andi: “He’s hooottt.”

Chris, a 32-year-old farmer from Arlington, Iowa. (Please forgive me if I translate the state abbreviations wrong. I’m not American!)

JJ, a 30-year-old … pantsapreneur? from San Francisco, California. What the crap is a pantsapreneur? Or are my eyes just reading that wrong? He’s wearing a bow tie.

Marquel, a 26-year-old sponsorship salesman from Las Vegas, Nevada. I don’t even know what a sponsorship salesman does. He sells sponsorships? Isn’t that the antithesis of sponsorships? He’s wearing a pink checkered shirt.

Tasos, a 30-year-old wedding event coordinator from Denver, Colorado. My first thought? I had no idea that a non-gay male wedding event coordinator existed. Is it wrong of me to think that? That only women and gay men can pull it off? He wants to take Andi to Paris to the lock bridge. On a smaller scale, he takes her to put a lock on a metal thinger in the garden behind her. And then she makes a wish and throws the key in the fountain. I’m sure the gardener/maintenance guys will be THRILLED with that. Andi: “Okay, so that was adorable.”

Looks like this next guy is pushing the limo. Umm … Cody, a 28-year-old personal trainer from Chicago, Illinois. I’m guessing he’s trying to show off. NICE ONE, CODY. He’s not wearing a dress shirt, but he is wearing a jacket.

Steven, a 30-year-old snowboard product developer from Encinitas, California. Is that in Northern California? Because otherwise it would be weird to have anything to do with a snowy winter. Andi: “Are you a Cali boy?”

Rudie, a 31-year-old attorney from Long Beach, California. At least they’ll have something to talk about.

Carl, a 30-year-old firefighter from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Is Andi purposely picking dudes from hot locations? He’s got something in his hands. It’s some sort of ball thing with an arrow? I have no idea.

Jason, a 35-year-old urgent care physician from Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin. He wants to show Andi some of his doctoring skills. He steps back and looks at her, “I think you have a fever, becasue you’re really hot.” GOOD ONE, JASON.

Nick V, a 33-year-old software sales executive from Chicago, Illinois. By the V after his name, I’m assuming there is another Nick coming. He’s wearing a polka-dot tie.

Dylan, a 26-year-old accountant from Boston, Massachusetts. He’s very nervous. “My legs are shaking.”

Patrick, a 29-year-old advertising executive from Newport Beach, California. He’s holding a soccer ball. Andi: “Oh, god, another soccer player?” Maybe not the wisest choice, Patrick. You’re being red-shirted. He kicks the ball away forever. “I’m a soccer player, but I assure you I’m nothing like the last guy.” At least he’s covering his bases.

Emil, a 33-year-old helicopter pilot from Costa Mesa, California. “My name is Emil. Just think of anal but with an M.” Um … that’s not awkward at all. Andi: “I will never forget that.” And as he walks away, she fights laughter, “I can’t believe he said anal.”

Brett, 29-year-old hairstylist from Westminster, Pennsylvania. Another guy with a non-stereotypical job. There’s weird music. He’s got to have something up his sleeve. It’s a lamp. What the heck? “My mom always told me, never greet a girl empty-handed, so, what’s better than a lamp?” He got it from the hotel. Thief! And weirdo.

Craig, a 29-year-old tax accountant from Denver, Colorado. Hopefully she has her finances in order. He’s got some champaign that he sprays. “I wanted to celebrate that you’re the bachelorette.”

Ron, a 28-year-old beverage sales manager from Memphis, Tennessee. He grew up all over the world. That’s pretty neat.

Bradley, a 32-year-old opera singer from Holland, Michigan. Please don’t sing, Bradley. Oh, but he wants to serenade her later. She says she doesn’t want him to kill her ears. Awkward.

Josh B, a 29-year-old telecommunication marketer from Denver, Colorado. So, obviously, he’s not the only Josh. As someone who lived her whole school career with a B after my name, even though there was never another Jennifer in any of my classes, the initial would annoy me. He really liked her last season.

Nick S, a 27-year-old pro golfer from Kissimmee, Florida. Oh, no. Well, here’s the other Nick. He drives up in a golf cart, but says he’s not a golf cart salesman. He’s a pro golfer. Show off. Andi says she likes golf. I loathe it.

Brian, a 27-year-old basketball coach from Camp Hill, Pennsylvania. “I tied my tie like 6 times.” I can definitely understand how this thing would be nervewracking. I’d be terrified. But then, I wouldn’t go on this show even if i was single. No. Way. I’d be an awful Bachelorette.

Andrew, a 30-year-old social media marketer from Culver City, California. He’s gonna sell her on some social media thing, isn’t he? All these guys have red faces. He tells her that Andi and Andrew sound good together.

Mike, a 29-year-old bartender from Alta, Utah. He’s imagining that he’s meeting her in a regular situation. He gives her his number. And says his nickname is Camps? Did I hear that correctly?

Eric, a 31-year-old explorer from Citrus Heights, California. I wonder if he knows Dora. He brings her two dolls from Peru. That’s pretty rad.

Josh M, a 29-year-old former pro baseball player from Atlanta, Georgia. Oh good, another sports professional. (Do I seem bitter towards sports? I AM.) He says the only reason he’s there is because of Andi. He says it’s rad that they both live in Atlanta.

And that’s it, 25 men. Chris says he’ll bring her a first-impression rose. The guys say Andi is the total package. They all can’t wait to talk to her. She walks in and they clap. She tells them to sit down and that they all look good. She thanks them for being there and says she’s looking for her husband. They all talk about how nervous they were with the entrances.

Josh M takes her aside to chat. “Josh M is my type.” He tells her that his mom likes her. He says he likes sushi, which makes Andi happy. Andi: “He’s definitely my type, but there’s a reason I’m still single. Maybe my type has changed. Pink Shirt says his favourite thing is cookies. He gives a few to Andi. She is wearing his jacket. He picks out a special one for her.

Dora the Explorer’s friend tells Andi that he’s not in the country much. That he travels all over the world for his job. Uh, dude. If I were Andi, I’d be automatically not interested because he’s away a lot. Unless he takes me with him, in which case, I’m in. He’s quite nice, so maybe I’d give him a chance. Okay, he just said something about paragliding and I now realized this is the guy who dies after leaving. I see him a lot differently now. Like, this might be the last on-camera time in his life. So weird. Andi says she’s interested in hearing more.

Chris walks into the room with the first-impression rose. Uh oh, somebody just said, “Can we get these producers down here ASAP?” Did someone get hurt already? There’s a security guard there. Some guy showed up with roses and says he has to meet her. “Can I talk to Chris?” I’d be getting that guy out of there as soon as possible. Creeper.

Andi is sitting with the three long-haired guys. Bow-tie guy gives Andi the fabric he made his first pair of pants with. I think they were pants for her? That’s weird. Oh, right, he’s probably the “pantsapreneur”. Pro-golf guy sets up a putting green for her. “I’ve never seen someone miss so perfectly.” Yellow-tie guy gives Andi his jacket. He asks her if there’s one place she’d like to travel to. She says South Africa. Tasos. “He’s very handsome but so different than who I’m usually dating.” Next guy, polka-dot-tie guy, says he’s the second-oldest of 11 siblings. She says she has an immediate connection with her. Will he get the first-impression rose?

Oh, sheesh. Opera guy. Whereas Sharleen in JP’s season was shy about her singing, this guy is not. At all. He serenades four of the other guys. A few of the guys bond over their interest in each others’ lives.

Back to the creeper. He looks familiar, like a guy from one of the previous seasons. Not a bachelor, but a suitor. Chris pulls Andi aside and says that someone has shown up. She asks him if she knows him. He says, “No, but I do.” I knew it! Chris Bukowski. (I don’t know if I spelled that correctly.) I don’t think I liked him. Was he in Jillian’s season? Nope, Chris says he was on Emily’s season. And he was on Bachelor Pad. RUN AWAY, ANDI! Nobody solid was on Bachelor Pad. Andi: “He knows where the house is?” Chris: “Well, he’s lived here. Twice.” Andi laughs at the fact that she didn’t realize that right away, but in her defence, this is weird. Chris: “I guess he liked you from last season, and he was taken by you. How could he not be?” Andi says that the other guys waited and prepped for the season, so she’s not going to mess that up by bringing a guy in who hasn’t done that. She says she’s not going to do it to them. Chris says he’ll take care of it.

Chris Bukowski says he has been there for seven days. Chris Harrison asks how he knew they’d be there. Chris Bukowski says he didn’t, which is why he’d been there for seven days. He says he HAS to talk to her. Chris Harrison says no. Chris Bukowski finally gets the hint. Chris Harrison says he’s sorry, takes the roses, and gives other Chris a hug.

A bunch of guys are talking about their game. Their strategy. Seems every guy gives Andi his jacket. Another guy named Chris says he’s the fourth generation of farmers in his family. He says he wants the first impression rose. Hot Texas Boy (Andi’s words) says Polish is his first language. He also speaks German, but only a little bit. He says hopefully he can take her travelling. Andi says she’s intrigued by him.

Andi picks up the first impression rose from the table a bunch of guys are around. She says, “I’ll be right back.” Shut down. She goes to another group of guys and pulls Nick away. I’m not sure which Nick he is. Polka-dot-tie guy. She says he left a lasting impression on her. He says he’s ecstatic. He’s Nick V. Andi sits down with all the guys. Chris comes in to steal Andi away for the first rose ceremony.

Chris welcomes the guys to the first rose ceremony. I wonder if Andi has an earpiece to hear the names of the guys she picked. Her hair would cover it. I wouldn’t be able to remember that many guys’ names. JJ (bow tie guy). Eric. Marquel (pink shirt guy). Craig. (I don’t remember a Craig. Maybe I heard it wrong.) Tosas. Josh M. Brian. Bradley. Marcus. Andrew. Ron. She looks at the guy right before she picks him, so maybe she does know their names. Carl. Chris. Dylan. (90210 Dylan comes into my mind right away. I’m sorry.) Brett. Patrick. TWO LEFT! Cody. ONE LEFT! Chris: “Gentlemen, ANdi, this is the final rose tonight.” Nick S. Chris sends the away the guys who didn’t get picked. They leave well. In front of Andi, at least. They’re all disappointed, obviously, and question if they could have done something better. One guy says he’s not going back to a whole lot. I feel so bad for him. :( Another guy says he’s embarrassed. “This is stupid.”

Andi toasts to the guys who are left. “Here’s to the beginning of finding love!”

Previews to the season. I think I’ve said it before, but I’d love to be on the crew for this show. They travel to so many rad places. Some awesome moments, some douche-canoe moments. Andi freaks out at the guys for taking this as a joke. Always happens that the person has some rough moments. In an interview she takes off her mic, as she has HAD IT.

I don’t have any guys I’m sold on yet. Last season they featured a couple girls in the beginning, but they didn’t do that this time. So excited about what is to come!

Categories: bachelor(ette)

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