Nineteen are left. Who will be voted out tonight?
Previews to some awesome and awful things. As per usual.
Andi goes off on a monologue about finding love and stuff. The guys talk about how lucky and thankful they are to be where they are. They toast to Andi. Chris asks what the guys think about Andi. Lots of good things. Chris says that Andi is the best Bachelorette they’ve ever had. This week there will be three dates: one group date, two one-on-one dates. The guys get booted if they don’t mesh with Andi the one-on-one.
First date card: Eric. “Love is everywhere.” This is ominous. Will he stick around after this episode or will he go home? Because shortly after leaving the show, he dies in a paragliding accident. This must be really weird (good? bad?) for his family to watch, if they’re watching it. If he was my son, I’d want to watch, if it meant seeing him happy, remembering him that way. Maybe? I don’t know.
ANYWAY, Eric and Andi’s date. He’s stoked. “This might be the beginning of my fairytale.” Andi pulls up in a rad car. Andi says Eric’s really cute and loves that he travels a lot. Eric talks about his travels, which sound amazing. They pull up and park. Eric: “So what’s this place called?” Andi: “A public beach.” It’s like Beautiful People Go To The Beach. Eric: “My face already hurts from smiling so much.” And then pulls a back flip. Woah.
A helicopter pulls up. Because you can’t have a season of The Bachelor(ette) without a helicopter. They fly over the city for a bit before landing in the mountains in the snow. Bear Mountain, if I heard that correctly. They hop out in their bathing suits/bare feet and have a snowball fight. A snowboarder guy pulls up. Louis Vido? I cannot hear things properly. Eric and Andi are told they’re going snowboarding. Andi: “Snowboarding for me is as bad as dancing. I’m out-skilled on my own date.” Eric leads her down the mountain, obviously having much more skill than she does. But he’s super patient with her. “Can we find something that he’s not good at? He’s good at everything!” After some hot cocoa they go sledding. This I can get behind. Snowboarding? I’m worse than Andi. Pretty sure the last time I went, Kaylie was almost two.
Next up is dinner at a mountain cabin. They toast to the date. Andi has many good things to say about him. She asks him, “Name five things you’re not good at. Name three.” He says piano, and then they go down a rabbit trail. He says the reason he started travelling is because of his dad. I think he said he’d been to every country. In Syria, it was the most frightening experience of his life. He went as a journalist, and came in illegally with the rebels. An entire neighbourhood was destroyed in the city he was staying in. After they’d crossed the boarder, they’d gone for food. Militants came into the room they were in. His fixer went pale and said, “I’m sorry guys, things are going to get very bad for you. They think you’re spies.” He sent a text to his parents saying goodbye, and I love you, and all that. Luckily, the leader of the group asked him why he was there, he said that he was trying to show that whatever happens to the Syrians, nothing can take away their happiness. The leader said to him, Go back to Turkey.
Andi asks him if he had a wife and a family, if he’d risk going into every country. He says no. He says his biggest goal in life is to have a family. The rose is on the table.
The next date card comes to the guys’ house. Brian, Marquel, Bradley, Craig, Brett, Patrick, Cody, Tasos, Josh, Ron, Marcus, Nick S, Dylan. “Let’s bare our souls.”
Eric talks about his siblings, their spouses, and their kids. He says he wants kids, but only in the last two years he’s been interested in it. He says that seeing other people he knows and loves have gotten married and they’re still themselves.
Andi picks up the date rose. She says it’s the perfect first date. She says he’s very appreciative of him. She offers him the rose and he accepts. They they roast marshmallows by the fire. They toast to the best first date either of them has had. Eric: “It’s weird to think that this could be the first date I have with my future wife.”
It’s strange to think he gets sent home, as I can’t see them messing this up. But obviously something has to happen, as we already know he is sent home at some point.
Next up? The guys strip. In front of an audience. Some guys gets too drunk.
The guys come in on a bus. Cody: “I will bare anything for Andi.” She welcomes them to Hollywood and says that what they’re doing is for charity. They walk into a bar and some dudes are stripping. Some guy comes up and says he’ll introduce them to the art of erotic dancing. Andi tells them not to freak out, she knows how they’re feeling. She speaks of the photo shoot she did last season when she posed nude for some animal rights somethingorother. (Because obviously nudity speaks volumes and it can’t be said without it.) Andi says she hopes the guys have fun.
The guys audition before Andi and the dance teacher guy. Nick and Marcus get the solo acts, and the other guys are in group acts. Andi then says that they’ll be stripping in front of a large audience. All the proceeds go to Bachelor Gives Back which sends the money to different charities. The first group is firemen. Which, sure, most women find attractive, but when I think firemen, I think of my dad and brother, both of whom are firemen. So let’s just say I don’t buy firemen calendars. Because that would be just weird. But to each his own.
All the guys practice their routines. Some of them are quite nervous. I don’t blame them. This is just awkward. Nick is a robot. In a not-sexy costume. The firemen get their barely-there costumes. Marcus is very nervous for his solo act.
The guys get spray tans. Or body oiled? I don’t exactly know. One guy stuffs his shorts.
Sharleen and Kelly, from Juan Pablo’s season, are at the front of the line of girls coming to see the guys. Chris says that if any of the women want to get up and strip, they’re more than welcome to, and all their tips will be collected and will go to charity.
The cowboys are up first. They do the stripper thing. One guy struggles with getting his boots off. Andi: “Look at the packages.” Next up is the robot. Sharleen says something about robot porn. He takes everything off and Kelly loses her mind. In the awkward way. And shields Andi’s eyes. Andi: “He just showed the part that no woman is supposed to see.” The firemen comes out and one of them gives Chris a lap dance. Patrick: “I think I’m going to have post-traumatic stress disorder after this.”
The army men hit the stage. The women go nuts. Marcus is so nervous. Andi says that it must be so nerve-wracking being up there by his self. Andi is a big fan.
Group date cocktail party thing. One of the guys toasts to the night. Some guy takes Andi away for some one-on-one time. Brian. Andi says how impressed she was by him. He said he was nervous because he works with kids and didn’t want to be a bad role model for them. Andi says how much he likes Brian and how she continues to be impressed by him.
Pro baseball player guy says he hopes she doesn’t stereotype him. She says she usually dates guys like him, and so that made her nervous, but she really likes him. He says he hasn’t dated anyone in five years because he hasn’t found the right girl. But Andi is the right girl. Josh.
Some guy is talking way too much. He might be a bit wasted. Tasos looks like my ex, so it’s weird seeing him on screen. Gives me a bit of panic every time. Craig is the drunk guy. The guys are looking at him weird.
The four guys left at the house get a date card. Chris. “Let’s get our love on track.” He’s stoked. They debate whether it’s race cars or a train.
Opera guy is singing to Andi. He’d turn me off right away with his arrogance. Drunk guy Craig goes to find Andi for his one-on-one time. He finds her. Marquel says that Craig is way past the cutting off point. Craig hugs Andi and is way too excited. He asks her what the worst thing about her parents is. I love how the editors add the hilarious music to these scenes. Andi: “Craig is annihilated.” Craig goes back to the kitchen to drink some more. Andi and Brett are talking when they’re interrupted by Craig. One of the other guys pulls Craig away. Craig says he’s jumping in the pool. And he does. Fully-clothed. Andi: “This is not at all what I expected.” There’s always the one suitor who gets completely plastered at a cocktail party. I can’t remember the girl’s name from last season, but I think Juan Pablo made her leave. Wasn’t she screaming and crying in a bathroom stall or something?
Craig is stripping and throwing clothes at the cameramen. He’s being completely obnoxious. Ron is annoyed that Craig is interrupting his time with her. The producers had to calm him down and take him home. Andi is really annoyed. Andi applauds the other guys for being not out of hand. Marcus pulls Andi aside to ground her again. He says that, in a relationship, he gives his everything.
Andi picks up the group date rose. She gives it to Marcus.
The guys detox at the house the next day and talk about how Craig got out of hand.
Next up is Chris’s one-on-one date. At the race track. Horse race track. I don’t know what the proper title is. They check out the horses, place a few bets, and then grab their seats. The elderly couple beside them asks them some questions, how long they’d been together. The couple has been married for 55 years. They met at a baseball field. The couple gives Chris and Andi some tips. Andi says she wants that kind of love. I think I like Chris for Andi.
They head to a restaurant with couches, because they’re always on couches. Andi wonders how he hasn’t been snatched up yet. Andi asks him why he thinks he hasn’t found the one yet. He tells her about a girl he’d met in college, they moved in together and had been engaged, but it just wasn’t there. It didn’t work out. He brings up the couple they’d met at the race track and wants that kind of love. He tells her that she’s the one he’s looking for. Andi says she’s impressed with her, and she’s thankful for his encouragement. She says some nice things about him, then offers him the rose and he accepts. He says he doesn’t want the night to end.
Andi says she has one more surprise for him. The band This Wild Life is playing, and Chris and Andi go to dance. He kisses her. I like this band. Andi: “Chris was the perfect person to have this date with.
It’s cocktail party time. Andi comes in in a black sparkly dress. They toast to the night. Nick V gives Andi a date card that says, “Let’s get poppin.'” They go outside to pop a bottle of champagne. He asks her what kind of guy she’s looking for. She says she’s not sure, but she hasn’t found that perfect connection. He says he loves his parents’ connection and wants that. He says he doesn’t want good, he wants great.
Marquel asks Andi if she thinks that the one is in this group of guys. He makes her laugh a lot. Someone does a puppet show, and another breaks a plate with her. There’s a lot of laughing. Josh M is kind of a mess, in a good way. He gets some making out in.
Andi goes back in the house and takes Craig away. This should be interesting. He says he has to do more than apologize. He plays her a song on his guitar with an apology that makes her laugh, which ends with, “Please let me stay.” I still think he should go home.
Rose ceremony time! Andi says how much she appreciates the guys, and walks off with Chris for a bit. Chris comes back and welcomes them. Eric, Marcus, and Chris already have roses. Andi says how rose ceremonies are tough for her. She picks up the first rose. Ron. Dylan. JJ. Raquel. Andrew. It must be so awkward standing there waiting for a rose. Tasos. Josh. Cody. Nick V. Patrick. Brian. Brett. Chris: “This is the final rose tonight.” Bradley. Andi looks so nervous. I can’t imagine her job is fun at this point.
Carl, Nick S, and Craig leave. Their exits are much better than the women’s exits are. They have respect for Andi, but say they’re sorry they’re leaving. Craig says he feels horrible for what he did, and that he regrets it a lot. He says good things about Andi as well.
They toast to the night.
Previews for the next week. Drama, drama, drama. One guy has a girlfriend? Andi’s crying. It all looks horrible and awful and everything’s going down the toilet. Can’t wait for next week!