I’ve been thinking about this whole blogging thing a lot lately. Why do I do it? Why do I keep doing it? Is it worth it? Is there value in it? What is the point?
Why do I write words and post photos for people I don’t know? People I don’t talk to anymore (because of distance or the fact that I suck at being a friend)? If someone had brought up the idea of blogging 20 years ago, what would the reaction be? WHO would even do that? WHY would you write everything about yourself and make it publicly available?
That being said, I obviously don’t write everything about myself (or my kids or my husband), but only little snippets, but even then. Why do I do it?
I originally started blogging back in 2004, just after Noah and I started dating. It was pretty much just a journal I wrote in that happened to be online. I had exactly one reader. I wrote because I liked writing. I wrote because I’d gone through huge life changes that winter/spring/summer and I needed an outlet. I wrote because I’d always kept a journal and I liked looking back on what I’d written years earlier. (Although in some cases, I kind of wanted to slap myself for who I was and/or what I’d written years earlier.)
I’ve been thinking, lately, of shutting this place down. Of stopping this whole writing-about-my-life-and-thoughts thing. Because what’s the point? Sometimes it makes me feel all vulnerable and out there and I just want to hide in a dark little corner where nobody knows me or anything about me. It’s not like I’m not doing it for the money. I mean, I have ads on my site, but they’re there to cover my hosting fees. And sometimes they even cover a coffee or two. So what I am I doing it for?
I write less about Kaylie now, because she’s becoming her own person, and she has friends who have access to the Internet. She’s writing her own story, and if I were her, I wouldn’t want my mom writing publicly about it. Besides on her birthday. If I asked her, I know she’d say she doesn’t mind me writing about her or posting photos of her, but I also know that kids can be mean and I don’t want to give some kid ammunition against her.
Liliana, on the other hand, thinks it’s the best thing ever that her words and pictures are on the Internet for everyone to see. Because she loves being the centre of attention. She loves to be SEEN and HEARD. And EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!
And then there’s Preston. The sight of his own face puts a big huge smile on his face. And Kesler’s mama likes seeing his little face while she’s at work, so things are okay there, too.
Noah completely supports this blogging thing, and since he edits most of my posts before or just after they go live, there’s never any content that he doesn’t approve of. I don’t think I could do this blogging thing if he didn’t approve of it. It would just feel … wrong. But he does. He encourages it, even. And as much as he thinks that going to a blogging conference is SO COMPLETELY NERDY, he encourages that, too. And I’m thankful for it.
Sometimes I think blogging is a waste of time, but then, it’s not. A post doesn’t take me that long — an hour at most, but usually less now that I’m using iPhone photos instead of real photos — and what’s an hour, when it’s spent on something you enjoy doing?
I’m not going anywhere, though. Not right now, anyway. I kind of like this little place on the internet that is all mine. My space, my rules, my privacy settings.
And besides, I need somewhere to keep track of when my son first started saying “touch down”.