Almost a month ago, we got rid of our digital cable. Even with everything Noah and I are dealing with, we’re doing our best to be the parents our children deserve. (We fail constantly.) In that, we’ve made decisions that we feel are beneficial to our two daughters. One has been the dismissal of cable.
Honestly, I haven’t missed it. At all. And I don’t miss having it for the girls. There are only a few shows that I actually care about enough to make an effort to see, and I can view them on the individual network websites for FREE. Chuck, Glee, Trauma and Dancing with the Stars.
I watched the first episode of Dancing with the Stars (and caught up on Chuck) last week while I was supposed to be folding laundry commenting on 7 Days photos and found myself relating to what Kate Gosselin was saying during her rehearsal. Let’s just put aside everything that’s been in the media about her and her ex-husband and her kids and her show and blah blah blah whatever. She kept saying that she was self-conscious and had a hard time putting her all into the rehearsal because of it. Even when the judges were speaking to her and Tony, they said that she would have done better if she (hadn’t been “pushing a shopping cart” and) had let go and let herself enjoy it.
I do that ALL THE TIME.
In high school I fell in love with the theatre. I loved everything about it. Being on stage, back stage, rehearsals, performances, the whole deal. But, the thing that stopped me from continuing in it (besides a couple plays I did right after Noah and I got married) was self-consciousness. I had to force myself to let go enough to do the bit parts that I had. Two of the main productions that I did in high school were musicals that required my character to dance and sing in addition to my speaking parts. I always made sure my partner and I were near the back during the dancing scenes and was too scared to put all I had into it for fear that I’d fall or something and make a fool of myself. Yes, I have a tremendous fear of humiliation.
I’ve written before about how I wish I could dance like my children; not that they have great moves (okay, they do), but that they dance without paying attention to who might be watching. They fall, giggle, and get right back up again. They say, “LOOK AT ME MAMEE!” They dance for the pure joy of dancing.
I’m stuck wondering when a child acquires self-consciousness. I don’t remember when Kaylie did, but I’m sure enjoying this time before Liliana gets it. It leaves me wishing I could have a little less of it, and a little more free-spirited pre-bedtime dance offs with my two favorite little people. And maybe get back on stage.