≡ Menu

feels like home to me

tree-lined street

Our toilet decided, yesterday, that it was no longer going to work. It decided that, when it was flushed, it was going to flood the bathroom floor instead of doing what it was supposed to do. None of our kids are at the age of putting things in the toilet (although I’m sure Preston will be there very soon)(and hey, Brandon, Dad told me some stories of you putting your fire truck in the toilet when you were little)(three times in a row), but I thought maybe that Mouse Trap marble that Liliana swallowed on Christmas Day might have finally gone through her system and gotten stuck. I plunged, Noah plunged, still the toilet flooded.

Noah made a phone call to his parents and decided that we were going to spend the night at their place. We have only the one bathroom, and with two I-have-to-go-right-now little girls, we were not going to make it overnight without a toilet. So, we packed everyone up (goodness, five people need a lot of things for just one night) and headed to the land of working toilets.

The thing is, though, as soon as we left our house, I started to shake a bit. Part of the reason for the shaking was because my meds had run out and I didn’t realize it until Friday night (I suck at planning ahead) and the pharmacy that held my prescription refill wasn’t going to open again until Tuesday and we’d just picked up said refill a couple hours earlier and it hadn’t kicked in yet. Without those precious pills, I don’t handle anxiety well. Add withdrawal to anxiety and, well, it gets kind of messy. I had with me something to counteract the withdrawal and for super-bad anxiety, but since I have to abstain from nursing Preston for six hours after taking it, I was trying to do without.

Why the anxiety about sleeping at my in-laws’ place? It’s not because I don’t like it there. It’s because I like being home more than anywhere else. Packing up and heading somewhere else to sleep with only about a half-hour warning? Not exactly an anxiety-free thing for me. Thankfully, our most-amazing landlord (seriously. the. best.) came today and fixed our toilet and I get to spend the night in my own bed in my own house tonight.

Even medicated, though, I’d rather be home. A friend of mine comes over about once a week (or twice)(sometimes three times)(I like her) and one day she said something like she felt bad that she was always here and maybe she should have me over there. I said, nah, that’s alright. You like being out, I like being home. This works just fine.

I can’t pinpoint when this homebody thing started. I think it was about the time we moved to Saskatoon, as I don’t remember it being around before then.

I don’t get cabin fever. My best days are the ones where I don’t have to leave the house at all. Maybe it’s because I was in such a bad place when we moved here that being home feels safe for me? Or maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last year and a half either pregnant or with a nursing baby and being home is just more convenient? Or maybe it’s because I leave the house five time a day (minimum) to drop off Noah, drop off the girls, pick up Liliana, pick up Kaylie, and pick up Noah? Or maybe it’s because Preston hates his carseat and is much happier being able to roam around the house putting things in his mouth that he shouldn’t? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I am the absolute happiest when I’m at home, especially when I am home with the four other people who live here. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

(That was a rhetorical question.)(Although you may answer, if you’d like.)

Categories: anxiety/depression

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Teresa Wednesday, January 4, 2012, 10:22 pm

    I like being home best, too. No place I’d rather be!

  • bethany actually Wednesday, January 4, 2012, 10:28 pm

    I don’t get anxiety about going out and about, but I’m a homebody too. I like staying home, and it takes a long time for me to get cabin fever.

  • Ashley Wednesday, January 4, 2012, 11:07 pm

    I’m a homebody too! Every once in awhile Corey and I will get a date night and more often than not, we end up home watching a movie. I’m happier here, I’m in sweat pants here, this is where everything is ok. Now with Audrey having to avoid any and all germs, home is the only place that feels safe. It’s the only place don’t feel the need to put her in a ziplock bag for safety.

  • Melissa Thursday, January 5, 2012, 4:48 am

    Nope, nothing wrong! I feel the same way – whenever I’m out, I just can’t wait to get back home. No matter where I’m at or even if I’m having a good time, I can never shake that feeling. It’s the only place where I feel totally relaxed.

  • Angella Thursday, January 5, 2012, 8:31 am

    Matthew and I are both homebodies, too. :)

  • Roxanne Thursday, January 5, 2012, 8:42 am

    I go through homebody phases. Right now…not so much, but only because if I’m home it means I’m surrounded by the mess of packing. I guarantee that as soon as we have the new house, I won’t want to leave for about a month!

    BTW, totally cool to be a homebody. It’s always more comforting to be surrounded by your own stuff and your own people ^_^

  • Kami Thursday, January 5, 2012, 9:02 am

    I am the exact same way and kind of always have been. There is no place like home and no one like your immediate family.

    And the toilet thing. Ugh. Glad it’s all sorted out!

  • AmyK Thursday, January 5, 2012, 9:33 pm

    I, too, would rather be home, though I find it is quite related to my mood. I don’t know what med you’re one, but my anti-depressant hands me the worst withdrawal. Ugh. I hope you’re feeling better and that Sir Pukesalot is no longer.