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It’s all in my head

This morning I honestly thought I was going to die. It wasn’t one of those quick OH NO! things when you curse the name of the tire-selling guy who said that your tires were “Good Saskatchewan Winter Tires” because they’re obviously not “Good Saskatchewan Winter Tires” if you just slid through a red light going 30 km/h less than the speed limit and were convinced that you were going to be t-boned by a semi.

That was yesterday.

This morning, I felt like someone had stabbed me straight through the heart. Literally. It started last night during our nightly News Radio ritual. I was laughing at Matthew because, well, he was being Matthew. (If you’ve seen the show, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If not, well, then this is awkward.) I suddenly felt the stabbing pain. But, it was only temporary, and only when I laughed. I went to bed last night hoping that it would be gone in the morning.

It wasn’t. It was worse. It actually kept me up most of the night. I totally thought that my heart was failing or my lungs were collapsing, because I couldn’t think of anything else that would cause THAT MUCH PAIN.

I kept going over things in my head. Like I’d have to teach Noah about all things financial, tell him where the safety deposit box keys are, clean out the storage room, call to see how long it takes for life insurance benefits to get paid out … I may have been a little over-dramatic.

I gave in to Noah’s “Go To The Doctor Now!” pleas and went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor checked me out, my lungs and my heart, and said that it was not a physical problem, as my lungs sounded great and my heart was beating fine. It was a psychological one. What? It’s all in my head?! She asked if I’ve been stressed lately, and I said that that would be an understatement. I don’t really understand how psychological issues lead to physical issues, but obviously there seems to be some correlation.

She said to go home and relax. Do anything that helps me relax. Yoga, hypnosis, relaxation techniques, etc. Yoga and hypnosis are not really things that I am willing to try (I have my reasons), so instead I got home and took a nap. The pain is still there as I write this tonight, but a little less intense. It’s just nice to know that nothing’s physically wrong (although how comforting is it to know that it’s all psychological?)

Instead of doing short-term relaxation techniques, I’m going to heed the advice of a good friend who’s been-there-done-that and cut some things out of my life for a while. Some permanently. One of the temporary ones, I’m sorry to say, is blogging. It’s not the blogging that’s the stressor (that I know of), but I’m taking a break from it anyway. It takes energy, and it’s not like a have had a plethora of mental energy lately.

I will continue with the daily photos for Project 365, as I’m finding photography to be some kind of therapy. I will be back with regular posts in February.

Catch y’all later.

Categories: anxiety/depression

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Teresa Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:25 pm

    Feel better! We’ll keep up with the emailing :)

  • Meg Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:43 pm

    Will definitely miss your posts, but would much rather have you happy and healthy!
    “See” ya on FB, and take care of yourself!!!!!

    Megs last blog post..Sam-isms

  • Angella Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:52 pm

    Take it easy, Jen, and feel better. xoxoxo

    Angellas last blog post..On Faith

  • Jen Thursday, January 8, 2009, 9:16 pm

    Oh my! You are right … one thing after another. I hope you can find some ways to relax and de-stress. If there’s anything I can do to help with that, LET ME KNOW!

    Get well Jen!

    Jens last blog post..Looking Back, Looking Forward

  • Jenny Thursday, January 8, 2009, 9:21 pm

    Was it a panic attack? I’ve had a couple of them in my life and they are freaky. It’s best to take some time just to concentrate on you and your family, and of course, God. I pray that you will find some peace and less stress in the next few weeks.
    Exercise works wonders…as does chocolate, and wine…probably the reason I need the exercise so badly!!
    Take care of youself!

    Jennys last blog post..Pictures

  • Elizabeth Thursday, January 8, 2009, 9:44 pm

    Praying for you, girl. Pain is frightening. Peace.

    Elizabeths last blog post..Reflections and Vanity

  • Kelle Thursday, January 8, 2009, 9:52 pm

    I hope (and pray) that this time away (from blogging) will be just what you need. Get better Jen!

    BTW, we need to get together soon for another Girl’s night…another good form of healing ;)

    Kelles last blog post..Happy New Year! (7 days later…)

  • keri Thursday, January 8, 2009, 11:25 pm

    I just thought I would let you know that you are not alone. I have gone to the emergency room at least 3 times becuase of chest pains and been told that my anxiety level is causing my chest cavity to become enflamed and to go home, take an advil and get some sleep. Having weak hearts in my family doesnt help the “don’t be anxious” advice but knowing that it happens to other people makes me feel a little less melodramatic.
    Hope it gets better.

  • Org Junkie Friday, January 9, 2009, 12:14 am

    Hey Jen I’ll be praying for you to feel well soon. Take care of you.


  • jadekitty Friday, January 9, 2009, 12:46 am

    I’ll miss you while you are taking a break, and I shall also be keeping you in my prayers.

  • Joanne Friday, January 9, 2009, 4:56 am

    Jen, take it easy! You know yoga may not be your thing, but yoga includes deep breathing, which will relaxes the body in a number of ways – simply take a deep breath and fill both the lungs and belly (count to 5, 6 or 8) – hold to the count of 3 – breathe out (count to 5, 6 or 8) but let it out from the bottom first (imagine yourself being rolled up in a mat, belly first and lungs last) count to 3 – even 10 in the morning and 10 at night do great wonders for your body and mind – try to only focus the minute or two this takes on your breath (the gift of life) and nothing else – try to feel it enter your body and then leave – this is from a yoga class and it works anytime during the day as well….or adapt your own version (the key point is stop, breathe deep and focus, more than once) – we actually get coaching at work on how to breathe in the event of robberies (stressful situations) – not the same as above, but just deep breathing – it very much calms one down…..

  • mamalang Friday, January 9, 2009, 6:19 am

    I hope your feeling better. Will miss you, but understand. Prayers are being said :)

    mamalangs last blog post..Communication 101

  • Annie Friday, January 9, 2009, 8:48 am

    When I see you in 3 weeks I’ll knock that stress right out of you!! Love you tons and if you need anything just let me know!

  • Sirena Wiebe Saturday, January 10, 2009, 11:06 am

    I get that sometimes too. Except that I wasn’t told it was mental. I was told what sometimes the sac around the heart gets inflamed and when you laugh or breathe deep it rubs against your ribs and it really really hurts. I think that’s a much better explanation personally ;) Hope your break is what you need.

    Sirena Wiebes last blog post..Angie Smith

  • Victoria Saturday, January 10, 2009, 1:21 pm

    Sorry you’re not feeling well…..

    maybe get a second opinion from another doc? (I was told my stomach problems were all in my head/stress, but when I insisted on specialists it turned out it was a very valid, legit fixable issue)

    Hope you feel better.

    Victorias last blog post..Perfection

  • angela Saturday, January 10, 2009, 4:40 pm

    hey mrs. wilson! just wondering what program you use for editing/ adding captions to your photos…. I love it.

    Angela ( Chels. P.’s workmate)