This morning I honestly thought I was going to die. It wasn’t one of those quick OH NO! things when you curse the name of the tire-selling guy who said that your tires were “Good Saskatchewan Winter Tires” because they’re obviously not “Good Saskatchewan Winter Tires” if you just slid through a red light going 30 km/h less than the speed limit and were convinced that you were going to be t-boned by a semi.
That was yesterday.
This morning, I felt like someone had stabbed me straight through the heart. Literally. It started last night during our nightly News Radio ritual. I was laughing at Matthew because, well, he was being Matthew. (If you’ve seen the show, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If not, well, then this is awkward.) I suddenly felt the stabbing pain. But, it was only temporary, and only when I laughed. I went to bed last night hoping that it would be gone in the morning.
It wasn’t. It was worse. It actually kept me up most of the night. I totally thought that my heart was failing or my lungs were collapsing, because I couldn’t think of anything else that would cause THAT MUCH PAIN.
I kept going over things in my head. Like I’d have to teach Noah about all things financial, tell him where the safety deposit box keys are, clean out the storage room, call to see how long it takes for life insurance benefits to get paid out … I may have been a little over-dramatic.
I gave in to Noah’s “Go To The Doctor Now!” pleas and went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor checked me out, my lungs and my heart, and said that it was not a physical problem, as my lungs sounded great and my heart was beating fine. It was a psychological one. What? It’s all in my head?! She asked if I’ve been stressed lately, and I said that that would be an understatement. I don’t really understand how psychological issues lead to physical issues, but obviously there seems to be some correlation.
She said to go home and relax. Do anything that helps me relax. Yoga, hypnosis, relaxation techniques, etc. Yoga and hypnosis are not really things that I am willing to try (I have my reasons), so instead I got home and took a nap. The pain is still there as I write this tonight, but a little less intense. It’s just nice to know that nothing’s physically wrong (although how comforting is it to know that it’s all psychological?)
Instead of doing short-term relaxation techniques, I’m going to heed the advice of a good friend who’s been-there-done-that and cut some things out of my life for a while. Some permanently. One of the temporary ones, I’m sorry to say, is blogging. It’s not the blogging that’s the stressor (that I know of), but I’m taking a break from it anyway. It takes energy, and it’s not like a have had a plethora of mental energy lately.
I will continue with the daily photos for Project 365, as I’m finding photography to be some kind of therapy. I will be back with regular posts in February.
Catch y’all later.