There are going to be spelling and grammatical errors in this post because that’s what happens when you type fast and are too lazy to edit. I know I’m a grammar nerd, so forgive me.
Twenty-one are left. Who will be
voted out sent home tonight?
The girls toast to the week.
Ben: “It’s time to get things started. Tonight is my first date as the bachelor and I am ready.”
Lace: “On the first night I got a little too drunk … too emotional … let’s put that behind.”
Date card! “Jackie, LB, Lauren H, Becca, Amber, Mandi, Jojo, Jubilee, Jennifer, and Lace. Let’s learn how to love. From, Ben.”
Lace: “Maybe he’s into tall brunette’s named Lace. If I could make out with Ben on this date, that would be great. I want it all!”
Group date! The girls pull up to a high school with the sign Bachelor High. Ben walks out to meet the ladies. The ladies walk into the school wearing outfits that would definitely not fit into the school dress code. They’re split into teams and the winner will be Ben’s homecoming date.
First up? A science experiment. Chris: “First four teams to make Ben’s volcano explode will be moving on.” Nice euphemism there, Harrison. They need to add love, trust, and communication. Four go on, Lace and Jubilee do not. Darn. I mean, Jubilee is cool so far, but Lace? Oh, no thank you.
Next up is bobbing for red apples, the same colour as Ben’s heart. Ben: “If my high school teachers were this hot, I would have paid more attention in class.” Jackie is not doing well, “Jackie should have a bigger mouth.”
The girls then have to find the shape of Indiana and place it in the proper place on a US map. Lauren H: “My kindergarteners would have a better chance at this than Becca & Jojo.” They lose and are embrarrased.
Freethrows! The girls suck. All of them. Yellow team wins! Mandi and Amber. But only one can win. Hurdle race! This should be good … MANDI!
Amber isn’t happy. Ben gives Mandi his letterman jacket. Lace isn’t stoked she lost in the first round. “I really have to up my game to get Ben to give me that rose.” I think Lace looks a bit like Kristen Stewart. Though I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. For either of them. (I like Kristen Stewart.)
The girls have Ben on a rooftop and Becca takes him away first. They shoot baskets and Becca is way better than Ben is. They’re both stoked to be together. Becca thanks him for accepting her. Jennifer and Ben get some time together AND THERE IS KISSING. Lace hears about it and OH HECK NO. “I’m gonna do what’s best for me and I’m getting that rose tonight!”
Date card! *women screeching* Olivia: “Obviously I’m the front runner.” Date card says: “Caila, join me for a day of surprises. Ben”
Lace: “I feel like he’s not even paying attention to me.” So she goes and steals him away. She apologizes for the other night AS YOU SHOULD, LACE. Ben says that he felt like he was being attacked, but says the no eye-contact thing wasn’t intentional. She’s looking for a kiss. “I’m gripping his hand, he’s gripping my hand. There’s eye-contact galore.” Then Jubilee SAVES THE DAY. “I will get more time with Ben tonight. THIS IS NOT FINISHED.” Oh, Lace.
Jubilee! I like her so far. Ben likes her smile. She says that she loves that he does relief work in the Honduras. Apparently she was born in Haiti and adopted when she was six. Ben says what he hears is that she overcomes things. Ben’s a fan. There’s a kiss. Lace rips into Jubilee about her taking time away from Ben. Two of the girls didn’t even get time with him yet. But Lace goes and interrupts someone after not even two minutes. Lace: “I’m getting that rose tonight.”
Ben comes to take Jojo away. Yay! They go up onto a helipad. My legs are tingling just thinking about being in a place like that. Ben says that he enjoyed Jojo’s bubbliness. Ben looks like he wants to kiss her. So he does.
Ben picks up the rose. Jubilee or Jojo? He picks … Jojo. Jubilee is disappointed. Lace is not impressed. “I’m very confident I can still turn this around.”
Caila’s date! She seems like a sweetie. Ben is nervous as to what Chris has up his sleeve. And then … who should arrive but Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. They take Ben away. The girls are all I LOVE THEM OH MY GOODNESS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE HERE. IC & KH tell Ben that they’re taking him on the ultimate ride-along.
They walk out to an old-school convertable. Ben drives, Caila passengers, and ICKH sit in the back seat. They pull up to buy flowers and ICKH barter and argue with each other. ICKH are asked what the most romantic thing they ever did for a woman. IC: “I married one.” Good job, dude. KH: “I cooked some fried chicken one time in a crock pot.”
IC and Ben pick out alcohol. IC: “Do you have condoms?” Back in the car Ben asks Caila what sparked her to be there. She says she’s been in the wrong relationships and is looking for a right one. ICKH keep interrupting their conversation. They head to a hot tub store and hop into one. Them and KH. IC tells KH to get the heck out. Ben looks awkward. KH: “I think he’ll close the deal.”
Back at the house Amanda facetimes with her kids. She wants time to talk to Ben before the cocktail party. She’s adorable.
Date card! “Emily, Shushanna, Sam, Olivia, Haley, and Amanda. Are we a perfect match? Ben.”
Ben and Caila head into a restaurant. Ben asks her what she’s looking for in a man. She says she’s looking for someone who complements her. She’s a dreamer. She asks him what he meant when he says that he feels unlovable. Ben says girls have flaked, and he’s been on emotional rollercoasters. He wants to love and be loved. Caila says that her last relationship, they met on a plane. They dated a year, but it didn’t end up working out. She says that it’s not about how she and Ben met, but about how they spend their time together. Ben says there’s no doubt that today formed their relationship. Ben takes out the rose and offers it to Caila. She accepts. “He blew this out of the water.” They walk by a theatre sign that says “BEN AND CAILA”. They walk in to a private concert by someone I don’t know but they’re stoked about. There’s music, there’s dancing, there’s kissing. They’re so cute. Caila: “I can see myself falling in love with Ben. There’s no way he’s unlovable.”
Don’t tell Noah, but Kaylie has been watching this first half with me. She’s disgusted at some of the girls’ behaviour. *COUGH*LACE*COUGH* But she’s going to bed now.
Group date! The girls walk into a building and into a room to meet a guy on a screen. Like, an ipad hooked on the top of a segway. He tells the girls to follow him to Ben. They walk into a Love Lab. Ben says he’s not an expert on love so he brought in reinforcements. He wants to see if science can lead him to the right woman. This should be interesting.
The first part of the brain they’re testing is the visual cortex. The Twins don’t know much about science. Shocking. They track which part of the image the girls focus in on. Next up: are the odours you give off attractive to Ben? The girls head out onto the treadmills while Ben walks around smelling them. Ben is then blindfolded and led to each girl to smell her. This is the weirdest thing ever. Last experiment: is your body giving off the right chemistry when you’re together. Ben and each girl is strapped to various devices. Then the other girls watch as Ben and one of them snuggle close together. This is just torturous for the others. Why are they made to watch?!
Noah is in the room with me now and totally making fun of the show but he’s staying in the room, which means he’s totally interested, right? Right.
The results are in! One of the ladies got the lowest score … 2.42/10 – Sam. Highest score – 7.45 – Olivia. One of the twins isn’t stoked that Olivia got this AND the first impression rose. Whatever, Twin. THAT’S NOT EVEN A JOB. Do you have a Vegas show? No?
Ben and the girls head to the Bachelor mansion, the part where Ben stays. Since Olivia got the highest score, he takes her aside first. Ben comments on her high score, it’s science that they’re supposed to be together. They kiss for a while. Olivia: “It was magical.” (Noah: “Her mouth is always open. Wide.”) Ben comes back to hang out, One of the twins takes him aside. I wanna know if he knows which one he’s with. One of the girls smelled “sour” to Ben earlier in the day so Ben smells her again and mentions passionfruit. Smooth, Ben. Next he talks to the Russian? girl. She came to the US with the intention of buying a car. She brought $400, one pair of jeans, two pairs of shoes, two bottles of vodka.
Amanda takes Ben aside and tells him about her kids. Ben seems quite smitten. “Kids don’t scare me.” He asks her questions about them and sounds excited. “I do want a family.”
Ben picks up the group date rose and hands it to … Olivia. I was hoping for Amanda. She’s sad, which is understandable.
Cocktail party! Ben toasts to a great evening. Olivia: “Ben is *my* man at this point.” Olivia steals Ben away from Leah after only a few minutes. She tells Ben that he gives her butterflies. They kiss for a while. The girls aren’t too stoked about her. And then she comes back. “Well, that’s done, now you guys can fly atter. I hope that you guys can respect that.” WTF, Olivia? You’re on my bad list. Lace takes Olivia aside. This should be interesting. She seems drunk again. Lace confronts her about stealing time with Ben. Olivia says that you just have to go after what you want.
Lace gets some time with Ben. “This is really hard for me, I know I come off a little crazy to you.” Ben: “The first night, you really threw me off.” Lace: “I have reasons for why I am the way I am. I’m very bold. I’m a lot to handle.” UNDERSTATEMENT. She then tells Ben a little story about her bangs as a kid. Ok. Lace is interrupted and breaks down.
Ben takes Lauren B aside and gives her a photo of their first conversation. Ben says he’s really attracted to her. Ben gives one of the girls a ribbon for the biggest explosion at the science fair. Next he’s with Amanda. He brings some supplies to make barrettess for her girls. With roses on them. There’s hot glue and everything. So rad.
Rose ceremony! I like Amanda, Jojo, Lauren B, and Jubilee. I’m 99% sure they’ll get roses. Probably even the first ones. And I’m pretty sure Lace is going to get the last rose because they need to hang on to the crazy.
Ok, so Jojo, Olivia, and Caila already have roses. FIRST ROSE. Amanda. I KNEW IT. Jubilee. Lauren B. Leah. Becca. Rachel. Lace. (WHAAAT?!) LB. She takes him aside. She doesn’t know if she can do it. I think she’s leaving … yup. This is weird. Jennifer. Emily. Jami. Lauren H. Shushanna. Haley. HARRISON ANNOUNCES THE FINAL ROSE. Amber. Ben is looking down. It’s gotta suck to hurt these ladies. But that’s the job, right? He’s a sensitive dude.
I think Amanda is one of the frontrunners in my mind. And I hope Olivia goes home.
Coming up! Crying! Drama! More crying! More drama! Can’t wait!