Oh, Chad. He’s destined to be a Super-Douche. The guys toast with their mimosas to a great week.
Date card! Chris Harrison comes in and talks to the guys and hands them the date card. He says he’ll see them at the next rose ceremony, which, look. Harrison hasn’t been around much lately. He gets about two minutes of screen time per episode. If that. I think he’s spreading himself too thin with the whole two-shows thing.
Anyway. “Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James F, Wells, Robby. Let’s heat things up. Jojo” The date guys say goodbye to the guys who are staying when they hear a bang. They walk out of the house and see a limo on fire. WTF?
Chad is talking himself up. You’re the best, Chad. God’s gift to women. He puts on a weight belt and starts doing pull-ups. Is he going to be this year’s villain?
Back at the group date the guys head to fire academy. They head through an obstacle course, the winner getting to spend more time with Jojo. Daniel: “The last time I held a hose like that was in my apartment.” Ew.
The guys at the house are learning a song from James Taylor. In four-part harmony. Except without the harmony.
Two of the group-date guys head into another challenge to rescue Jojo from a burning building. (It’s not actually burning.) Grant is the winner! He’s one of my favourites, right? The others are obviously jealous.
Grant and Jojo have some one-on-one time while the other guys look on. I’m not sure why the other guys are able/allowed to see them. That’s just awkward. Grant says that he became a firefighter to help people. He says that he’ll never leave their house without saying that he loved her because there’s always the possibility that he won’t come back. Awww. They toast to Grant. And then they kiss. Jojo says she’s attracted to the selfless attitude.
Date card! “Derek, love is full of choices. Love, Jojo” Jordan isn’t stoked.
Group date guys get a toast from Jojo and then she grabs Wells away. He sucked at the firefighter challenge but he didn’t give up on it. He brought Jojo some photos, of his dog and such. Smart. Like, letting her get to know him a bit.
Erectile dysfuntion guy has kids. Ironic. I wish I could remember the names of all the guys as I see them. It’s too early in the season for it though. So I can just tell you that a bunch of them talked to her. It’s just that erectile dysfunction guy stands out a lot because he’s just creepy-looking.
Luke, though. He’s a smooth-talker. She asks him about previous long-term relationship. He says his last long-term relationship was in 2013. He says he’s ready to be open to anything. They walk outside and make out for a while.
Jojo picks up the group date rose. It’s going to Luke, isn’t it. Wells! Nice! Luke is hurt.
Jojo heads to the house to pick up Derek. They hop into a boat of a convertible and Jojo says that they’re going to make a few choices which will determine where they go on their date. Sky or sea? Sky. North or south? North. Dressed up or dressed down? Down. San Francisco. Golden Gate Bridge or Lumbard Street. Golden Gate Bridge. Kiss or no kiss? Kiss. Derek says that when they lock eyes, he feels something, and that doesn’t happen with everybody. Except on this show, it kind of does. Sorry, Derek.
Back at the house they guys are singing along with James Taylor again. A couple of the guys are not. If I were there, I’d be with the not guys. Chad and Luke say that all those guys are nice, but that nice guys end up being the *bleep*.
Date card! “Jordan, Christian, Nick, James T, Alex, Chad, prove your love to me and the nation. Love, Jojo” Three guys are bummed they don’t get a date this week. Chad: “You’ve gone your whole life not seeing Jojo. You can’t wait another day?”
Jojo and Derek head to dinner. Jojo is pulling a Kaitlyn and wearing a sparkly dress. Jojo wants to know about Derek’s last relationship was a few years ago, and it’s been hard for him to open up since then. Jojo says she can relate with what happened with Ben. Derek was ready in his past relationship to get married but there was another person in her life. Jojo says she’s glad Derek decided to be there. Derek seems like a legit dude. Jojo offers him the date rose and he accepts it.
Group date! ESPN! Jojo is doing a broadcast with two dudes who are apparently huge Bachelor fans. Max and Marcellus. Instead of Sports Nation, they’re going to play Bachelor Nation. The guys are going to go through a series of challenges. Jordan is nervous about being knocked down for being a quarterback. First challenge? A touchdown dance. Jordan gets some rug burn. Chad gets all romantic. Douche. Next they have to turn around ten times with their forehead on a bat and then propose. Chad thinks all the guys are losers. When it’s Chad’s turn, he says nothing romantic, he just goes down on one knee right away and asks her to marry him. Max and Marcellus make fun of him, Jojo jokingly asks him why he’s not telling her all the things he loves about her, at which point Chad calls her “naggy”. Oh my word, Chad. Press conference is next. Final drill. The guys are asked what they want in a woman and what they love about Jojo. Chad wonders if any of the other guys have been near a woman before. One of them is then asked who they think Jojo should not date. All the guys say Chad. Chad is then put in the hot seat. He says he doesn’t know what he loves about her yet because he doesn’t really know her yet. “I know you’re beautiful and you’re ready for a relationship.” He says he feels like everyone is there for the wrong reasons. Everyone but him.
Chad thinks he’s gonna win it. How will they Power Rank? Number three: Alex! Number two: Chad! (WTF?) Number one: James Taylor! Chad tells the guys that they lied to Jojo, because they don’t know her so how can they love things about her? Chad doesn’t give a rip what the other guys think of him.
James Taylor gets one-on-one time with Jojo first. He wrote her a poem. It looks like she’s tearing up. Kisses happen. Chad puts down all the other guys. He finally gets his one-on-one time with Jojo and says that his last relationship was four years ago. She asks why so long ago, and he says work. He says his mom died six months ago. She was his best friend. I bet you anything Chad gets the group date rose. They kiss. For a while. Jojo picks up the group date rose and gives it to … James Taylor. The guys say good night to Jojo and Chad gives her the cold shoulder. He’s such a treat.
Chad is missing from the cocktail party. Turns out he’s sitting outside waiting for Jojo. He kisses her and walks her into the party. The guys confront Chad about his meeting Jojo at the door. Chase takes Jojo and makes it snow. Chad has a giant plate of food and drops some of it on the floor. The guys say he has eaten enough to feed a kindergarten class. Chad thinks it’s funny that everyone is talking about him. Jojo and some guy toiler paper the house. Super. Alex gets a tiny bit of time with Jojo when Chad cuts in.
Chad isn’t here to make friends.
Rose ceremony! James Taylor, Derek, and Wells already have roses. Alex. Christian. Robby. Luke. Chase. Jordan. Grant. Ali. Daniel. James S. Nick. Vinny. Evan. Harrison announces the final rose … Chad.
Chad says stupid things about all the guys and that’s it. He’s such a tool.