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Thirty Days of Truth: Day 1

I’ve been seeing this 30 Days of Truth thing around the blogosphere lately and have been curious about it. I read this post by The Palinode and was inspired to hop on the bandwagon. And then I got lazy. Reading Heather’s post the other day gave me a kick in the butt though, so here goes.

There are some items in the 30-day list at the bottom of this post that scare me, but I figure that’s a good thing. It means that this will be a challenge. Challenges are good. My thirty days will not be consecutive, as I just won’t be able to keep it up, but I’m hoping to do at least one a week.

Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself

I’m always hesitant to admit to being good at anything, but here’s one thing I am awesome at. Hating myself. Since I just get to pick one thing though, I’m going to go with my decision making skills. They suck. No, seriously. Follow me around for a day. Or, go all CIA on me and look into every decision I’ve ever made. You’ll find that 80% of them were not wise decisions. I’m not going to list any or all of them because I’d keep you here for hours. Days. Weeks maybe.

I think one of the reasons I suck so much at the whole decision-making thing is that sometimes I just don’t care. If you’ve dealt with depression or self-hatred, you know what I’m talking about. I’m self-destructive and often will not think things through properly because I really don’t care what happens to me. The problem with this, though, is when my decisions unintentionally affect other people. Realizing this reality makes the self-hatred thing even worse. Have I ever mentioned that DEPRESSION IS FUN?

I could go on for quite a while on this Things I Hate About Myself thing, but I don’t think that would be very productive. So, I will leave it short and sweet. I don’t need encouragement or adoration or something like that, it’s much past that stage. If I ever go back to therapy (which I will eventually), it’s something I’ll continue to work on.

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Following are the writing prompts for 30 Days of Truth, should you be interested in doing so yourself.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Categories: anxiety/depression

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Ruth Monday, November 8, 2010, 4:30 pm

    well this is an intresting idea, 30 things to think about…hmmm your gonna have to be pretty honest with yourself hey? I like reading your blog because it makes me feel good knowing other moms go through all the hard things I do, sometimes it feels like its only me! plus you have a good sence of hummor and a talent for writing!

  • Kami Monday, November 8, 2010, 6:14 pm

    Hugs and kisses (ew not really but I wanted to make you smile)

    I kind of like you just the way you, for what it’s worth!

    xoxoxoxo
    .-= Kami´s last blog ..Better Late than Never =-.

  • Meg Monday, November 8, 2010, 6:48 pm

    OH YES! Realzing after the fact that my decisions impact other people is HARD. And then the self-hatred begins again. And then the cycle continues…

  • kaseylallen Monday, November 8, 2010, 9:57 pm

    Oh Jen I love this idea!

  • angela Monday, November 8, 2010, 10:48 pm

    well. you’ve encouraged me to start! Thanks!
    http://www.lifeatopthehill.blogspot.com

    whew. what a can of worms this day 1 has opened. should be an interesting 30 days!

  • Heather Monday, November 8, 2010, 11:59 pm

    Ah yes, depression induced apathy and the pursuant self-destructiveness. I am well familiar with it! Best of luck developing better decision making skills, and let me know if you found any gooders ;-)
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Day 8- Someone Who Made My Life Hell =-.

  • Angella Tuesday, November 9, 2010, 10:07 am

    Hugs, lady.

    I’ve been tossing around doing this ever since Dayna did it, and I just might.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Chit Chatting =-.