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What about me?

A couple of you commented and emailed me about the fact that I did not include myself in my previous post. So, here you go. You asked for it.

Well, here’s me. I’m a self-absorbed lazy procrastinating self-destructive people pleaser. I’m irritable, sarcastic, impatient, and incapable of experiencing real feelings. I possess no self-control, self-discipline, or motivation. I am in introverted extrovert. (Because that makes SO much sense.) I like meeting people but I run from any friendship that seems to be getting close. I have a strange feeling that I have to solve everyone’s problems and seeing people suffer drives me completely insane.

Too much information? I’ll try be a bit more positive.

I love photography, blogging, scrapbooking, and hanging out with my family. I hate am learning to like football. I have a fascination with dressing my girls alike, which I will do until Kaylie objects to it. I love organizing, but I’m very unorganized. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it!

I love being a wife and a mom. Nothing in this life gives me more satisfaction than taking care of my family. I feel so completely blessed with the husband and children God has given me. I couldn’t imagine having a better family than I have. I have recently had the tremendous opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom and I’m loving every minute of it. I really enjoy working outside the home, but I’m so glad that I get to be with my children all day long. I definitely have to work on my house wife skills though.

And on a serious note …

I’ve been struggling with my health, pretty much since Noah and I were married. After many, many tests, I was diagnosed with IBS exactly a year before Liliana was born. It got better while I was pregnant and then came back with a vengeance a month or so postpartum . I also developed hardcore lower back pain after giving birth that is slowly getting worse and worse, and I’m wondering if it’s from the epidural. Also after Liliana’s birth, I started feeling what I thought was just baby blues.

As the “baby blues” got worse and worse, Noah convinced me it was necessary to go see my doctor. I ignored him for another five months and finally went a week before we moved to Regina, because otherwise it wouldn’t be my doctor that I got to see. After a couple tests, and a shwack of questioning, she diagnosed me with severe depression. This one was a shock to me. I thought that depressed people were suicidal and thought their life was miserable. I am not suicidal and I really love my life. As I learn more about depression, I’m understanding it more, and I’m trying to beat it. It’s a long, hard journey that would fill too many pages to count. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

More recently, I’ve also been experiencing intense tension headaches and what I’ve learned are ulcer-like pains, that I hope does not mean that I have an ulcer. That would just be the icing on the cake.

I’ve felt like a hypochondriac, which has led me to procrastinate going to the doctor until Noah says, “Go! Now!” I put off going because I always fear that I’m going to go, the doctor is going to tell me it’s nothing, and I’ll go home feeling even more like a hypochondriac. I always think it’s just going to go away, and then I just get used to living with the symptom. So, I don’t go until it’s absolutely necessary.

So there you have it. A tiny peek into what makes up “me”. I might do another post on this topic, because it’s like a journey of self discovery. I learn more about myself daily as I write, and as I listen to my husband (and a certain friend I have here, you know who you are!) psychoanalyze me. I learned the other night that my love language is quality time. It makes complete sense, I’ve just never thought about it before.

I hope all you Canadians have a great Thanksgiving weekend. We’re heading to Manitoba in about half an hour to spend the weekend with Noah’s parents and grandma. We get back on Monday, and my mom and sister come on Wednesday. Let’s just say it’s going to be a busy week, but I’m sure I’ll be posting pictures of our activities.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Categories: anxiety/depression, I'm a nerd

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Meg Saturday, October 11, 2008, 10:59 am

    I know how hard it can be to share personal stuff like that, especially about your mental health and digestive tract!
    I’m the opposite of you, I go to the doctor a lot! I’m worried if I don’t go, then something worse will develop :P
    I think this post was really brave, and honest, but maybe a little critical too :P You forgot things like being a good Christian, an awesome mommy and auntie and wife, a supportive friend, and a talented writer!

    Megs last blog post..To Do: Part Two

  • darci Saturday, October 11, 2008, 2:41 pm

    Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing so honestly. I’m praying you, you are wonderful mother and wife. I hope that some of these aches and pains work themselves out soon. You are much to young to feel so uncomfortable.

    darcis last blog post..Rocky Road Snowballs (Gluten-Free)

  • mamalang Saturday, October 11, 2008, 5:01 pm

    I am the same way about illness. My hubby generally has to force me to go as well. Good luck:)

  • Angella Saturday, October 11, 2008, 9:00 pm

    Thanks for being so open!

    My nest “Committed” post is ging to be about the Love Languages. Crazy how much sense they make, hey?

  • angela Saturday, October 11, 2008, 9:29 pm

    man! you described me. perfectly. especially the introverted extrovert. i wish i could get over this stupid running away from friendships that get close. and i am just finally getting tested/ treated for IBS or maybe Crohns. I’ve heard of IBS but never realized how crappy ( no pun intended ) it could be until the last few months. AUGH.

  • angela Saturday, October 11, 2008, 9:29 pm

    thanks for sharing. i was curious about your character too!

  • Elizabeth Sunday, October 12, 2008, 10:56 pm

    Learning my love language (quality time, ditto!) has helped me learn SO MUCH more about the way I do things and why I’m so weird. Praying for you.

  • chelsey Monday, October 13, 2008, 4:14 pm

    sorry you are going though so much, its hard to go though these things in a new place not knowing too many people. We;ll be praying for you Jen!
    love you