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when time and confusion collide

My kids have been watching far too much TV lately. My can-now-unlock-my-iPhone two-year-old has been playing far too much “AMMO!” (animals) and watching far too many episodes of “PETS!” (Wonder Pets) and “EYE-DOE!” (Diego) since he can also open Netflix on my phone, search for his show, and press play.

I should enter a passcode so he cannot get into my phone, yes, but his ability to use my phone is quite helpful at 5:30am, the time he has been getting up for over a week now.

I’ve had a rough couple weeks, depression-wise, and the easiest thing to do when I’m LOSING MY EVERLOVING MIND is to plop the kids in front of the TV with an episode of My Little Pony (a show everyone likes) so that nobody is fighting and nobody is yelling and nobody is asking for a snack every three seconds after not finishing her lunch because she was full I’M LOOKING AT YOU, LILIANA.

My temper is explosive and my patience is thin. I’m doing my best to keep it together for the sake of the kids, but that doesn’t always happen. A successful day is keeping the boys fed and napped and changed and away from the TV as much as possible. It’s when I have all four kids that I start to (and do) lose it, especially when the girls come to the van after school already fighting about something stupid and WHY CAN THEY JUST NOT GET ALONG AND COOPERATE WITH EACH OTHER ALREADY.

Sunday afternoon they had a half-hour-long time-out so they could think about maybe NOT being mean to each other and maybe some ways they could be KIND to each other.

I thought this week of sun and snow-melting would help my mood, and it has a bit. I spent at least four hours in my garden this week, clearing it out, as I didn’t have time to in the fall because it snowed so early and didn’t melt until a week ago (there is the tiniest bit of snow in the front yard, and that’s all that’s left)(finally). It’s all ready to be tilled, and I have three piles of mulch to use as a cover.

I awoke Sunday morning and decided that today was going to be a good day (thanks for that suggestion, Dawn!), and it was until I completely lost it and may have thrown my phone with all the force I had and it may have ricocheted and hit me in the ankle and it may have really hurt. I just need to keep doing that (the deciding on the good day thing, not the chucking my phone thing) and hopefully, eventually, it will last all day.

(My phone is fine, by the way. The back cover is just a little more shattered than it was before I threw it.)(Also, no children witnessed my little tantrum.)

Sunday evening dinner in front of the TV, with a Disney movie (The Rescuers, instead of The Wonderful World of Disney), just like when I was growing up (although without Cup-a-soup).

We didn’t go to the in-laws’ place last night, as we usually do on Sunday nights, so instead we did what I remember doing every Sunday night when I was growing up: we had dinner in front of the TV while we watched a Disney movie. We watched The Rescuers instead of The Wonderful World of Disney and ate chicken burgers instead of Cup-a-soup, but it was fantastic. We had such an intensely busy week where Noah or I or both of us were out every evening, and it was quite nice to stay home all afternoon and evening.

And I now understand why my mom never let us close the curtains if the sun was causing a glare on the TV.

I’m hopeful for this week. It’s supposed to be 28°C/82.4°F this afternoon, there are positive, t-shirt-wearing temperatures predicted for the rest of week, most of my seeds have come up inside (Preston has only plucked two four plants out), Noah set up the trampoline last Thursday, and the baby swing is hung up. (Though I’m looking for another one, if anyone local has one they’re looking to get rid of.)(Apparently two boys and one swing doesn’t go over well.) Got one! Thanks, Grunaus!

Noah and I are going out on Friday, so that’s something to look forward to. Not that I’m one who needs to get out of the house–quite the opposite, I’m happy to stay home ALL DAY EVERY DAY–but we usually have fun, and the kids always love hanging out with their grandparents. I’m hoping to spend a lot of time outside this week, wash and put away all the winter stuff, and finally get rid of my winter funk.

Wish me luck.

Categories: anxiety/depression

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Sonja Monday, May 6, 2013, 10:01 am

    Hey, having a tantrum without witnesses is pretty good (as far as tantrums go).
    Yay for outside time!!!

    • jen Monday, May 6, 2013, 11:36 am

      Ha! Thanks, Sonja. :)

  • IrishMum Monday, May 6, 2013, 2:00 pm

    Hugs! Four youngins is hard, but it does get easier. hang in there! Are you looking at some things to help your moods? Maybe 5htp?

    • jen Monday, May 6, 2013, 9:14 pm

      I have no idea what 5htp is!

  • Angella Monday, May 6, 2013, 9:08 pm

    I’m so glad that you’re finally having Not Winter. :)

    • jen Monday, May 6, 2013, 9:14 pm

      ME TOO.

  • Darci Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:35 am

    I love garden Yea, for being able to work in your garden, I love being in the garden.